Lobster Tails Like Cake Boss

My kids and I have recently discovered the TV show Cake Boss. I know we're late to the party, but wow! that guy is talented. We just watched this episode where Buddy makes a giant "Lobster Tail" pastry for an expectant mom who was craving them. They look amazing, and the moment Buddy called them "one of the hardest pastries to make" I knew I'd have to try.

For some reason I couldn't find this recipe laid out nice and neat in one spot. I had to do a ton of digging for different components, and watch the Cake Boss clip a few times to figure out what to do. There's apparently a very similar pastry called Sfogliatelle that's sometimes called Lobster Tail but it's baked with a ricotta filling inside and is not as crunchy. Buddy's is definitely crunchy and he keeps calling the filling "ice creamy" and says it's a blend of custard cream and whipped cream. He definitely fills it after it's baked, not before. He bakes the shells filled with a cream puff dough that makes the pastry rise in the oven and creates the pocket for the filling.

I pieced many recipes together to try to copy what he did and here's what I finally ended up with:

Lobster Tail Pastry like Cake Boss

Dough:
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3 c. butter, cut into pieces
1/3 c. butter, melted
Water
1 Tbsp. sugar
2 eggs
Form into a ball and chill for two hours.

To roll pastry:
Remove dough from refrigerator. Divide into two equal parts. Place on a dusted pastry board (we just dusted our whole granite island with flour) and roll into an 18-inch square (Buddy used a pasta roller as long as he could, then stretched it manually after that to get it as thin as possible).
Brush the thin pastry with butter. Roll the dough into a tight log and cut into 3-inch slices. Pick up one piece of pastry dough in your hand. Press your thumb in the center of the pastry and push it down to form a hole like a cup. (This separates the layers and gives it the lobster tail look.) Put a little cream puff dough inside the cup and seal the top. Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or until golden brown and puffy.
Custard Filling:
2 cups milk
1/4 cup sugar
2 egg yolks
1 egg
1/4 cup cornstarch
1/3 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. butter
1 tsp. vanilla
In a heavy saucepan, stir together the milk and 1/4 cup of sugar. Bring to a boil over medium heat. In a medium bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and egg. Stir together the remaining sugar and cornstarch; then stir them into the egg until smooth. When the milk comes to a boil, drizzle it into the bowl in a thin stream while mixing so that you do not cook the eggs. Return the mixture to the saucepan, and slowly bring to a boil, stirring constantly so the eggs don' t curdle or scorch on the bottom.

When the mixture comes to a boil and thickens, remove from the heat. Stir in the butter and vanilla, mixing until the butter is completely blended in. Pour into a heat-proof container and place a piece of plastic wrap directly on the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until chilled before using. To make it into the "ice creamy" filling that Buddy describes, whip a cup of cream and fold it into this custard, then pipe it into the finished pastry and dust the whole thing with powdered sugar.

There's no patching this baby.

Attempt #1: Fuhgeddaboudit. It was impossible for me to get the dough this thin without tearing it, and then it was impossible to get the layers to separate enough to push it out into a lobster tail shape.

These look great but are secretly plotting to turn into rocks in the oven.

I ended up ditching the pasta roller and just rolled it as thin as I could by hand. It was easier to work with but it came out of the oven tough and hard, not flaky and crunchy. I shed a few tears, then went to the grocery store and bought some Phyllo dough.

In the middle of all this fun, little brother grabs the camera and takes big sister's picture. Can you guess from her expression what happened next?

Attempt #2: I stacked the Phyllo dough in 6-layer rectangles and rolled them up lobster-shell style. Baked them in the oven at 425 for 20 minutes, which turned out to be too long. I burned them.

Now I'm just pissed.

Attempt #3: I took the cream puff dough and plopped it out onto cookie sheets because now they're just going to be cream puffs. I'm over the whole lobster tail thing. I didn't really want to try them anyway.

I baked the cream puffs at 425 for 20 minutes and they were puffed and golden and amazing-looking. I set them on the rack to cool and they deflated in the next two minutes until they looked like frisbees.

Are you flippin' kidding me?

Vanilla pudding, anyone?

This is the only thing that came out well.
Luckily it can and will be a stand-alone (very alone) dessert.

The Verdict: Does anyone know a good Italian bakery?